Have you ever been disappointed with where you are in life? Have you ever been pissed-off with what you have, and what you don’t; with who you’re with, or who you’re not? Have you ever, then, been told that you “deserve better”?
Of course. We all have. But…if we’re so deserving of better, why don’t we have it…?
Why, then? Why not us? Why not now?
So often in life we’re told or tell ourselves that we “deserve better”; that what we’ve done in life should be enough for what we want in life; that what we have is less than what we’re due; that when we’re pissed and down and hopeless, we have better things to look forward to because we are we, and we “deserve better”.
Think of the underpaid or underemployed, brewing about their low pay or low respect. Think of the sad and depressed, frustrated with their life and all the shit that’s handed to them and done to them. Think of the abused and mistreated wife or girlfriend, bruised and heartbroken again from the same loser douche she just can’t seem to leave.
When these people seek advice, they’re told that they’re loved and loving people; that no matter what’s been given them or befallen them they are worthy of better and DESERVING of better.
Because they’re human and it’s their right. Because they’re people and it’s what they’re owed. Because they’re them and they DESERVE far greater.
Fuck no, actually.
And to this day, it’s maybe the thing I struggle with most, when certain things aren’t progressing as I’d hoped, or going as I’d planned.
Cause the truth is…
We don’t deserve ANYTHING in life on account of simply BEING. We don’t deserve what we want as some kind of human right or inalienable right. We don’t deserve anything just because we think so or are told so.
We deserve all we get in life because of the somethings we’ve done to earn it – because of the blood, sweat, and tears we’ve put into becoming the person who ACTUALLY deserves that success or that comfort.
And we should never forget it.
And if it seems mean, or cruel, or wrong, just look around you…
Look at the countless poor and homeless without money because they’ve done nothing to DESERVE money; because they’ve done nothing or too little to acquire the skills or knowledge a job or career would require.
Look at the hopelessly lonely and loveless, without anyone to share their lives with because they’ve done nothing to DESERVE the person of their dreams; nothing to rid themselves of the desperation that scares off those they like, or the jealousy and pettiness that drives away those that like them.
Look at all those so sad and depressed in life, without happiness because they’ve done nothing to DESERVE happiness; nothing to BECOME stronger, and more resilient, and more confident.
They ALL generally get what they deserve. And NONE deserve more than they’ve received.
There are exceptions, of course. There always are.
It’s not hard to imagine some asshole who has everything, or some person who experiences some particularly horrible tragedy.
But that’s half the point.
That life is – in many ways – unfair like that; that what you want is never owed or entitled; that what you think you deserve is in no way related to what you ultimately receive; that everything has to be earned – sometimes easily, but often times much more difficultly.
And so when I say you get what you deserve, I don’t mean it in the sense you likely understand it.
It’s not that.
It’s not because they’re being punished or disciplined. It’s not because they’re without chance or without hope, or because they’re not ACTUALLY good or worthwhile people. I simply mean – that for most people - they’re not YET the person who DESERVES what they dream.
Because as they are now, and who they are now, they haven’t yet EARNED it.
Because to every person goes a certain entitlement – a certain level of success and happiness possible with the knowledge they have, and experiences they have, and confidence and belief they have in themselves.
A certain life they deserve according to the person they are and have become.
Like levels in a video game.
…I’m tired of hearing that people “deserve better”.
But – just as much – I’m tired of thinking the same of myself. As if anything were mine by right. As if anything I want is should ever be mine without the work necessary to deserve it, or the effort needed to earn it.
And the same is true of all those others…
Of the worker underpaid or underemployed, for example. Cause if they feel themselves more valuable, they need to BECOME more valuable. If they think themselves deserving of more money, they need to be WORTH more money. If they WANT more, they have to DO more.
And it’s true of the depressed dude crying in his room. Cause if he wants his depression to end – if he wants to be at ease in the world, and comfortable with whatever may come and all that will SURELY come – he needs to be the type of the person that is unaffected by the crap others say or do to him, and by the shit that the world throws at him, and by ANYTHING that may befall him. He needs to quit caring so much about the stuff he can’t control and master finally that which he can.
And it’s especially true of the hurt and heartbroken girl, beaten or treated downright HORRIBLY by her boyfriend or husband. You deserve better when you BECOME better. And so long as she’s someone who believes him to be redeemable, someone who tolerates that kind of abuse at all and not only returns to him over and over again, but defends his actions and her own weakness as well because of the “love” she thinks they share, she deserves EXACTLY what she receives.
She deserves the pain and anguish. She deserves the abuse. She deserves him.
Not because it SHOULD happen to her, but because that’s the type of person someone of her confidence and beliefs attracts.
They’re perfect for each other.
Cause no one’s “deserving of better”….
Not the disgruntled employee. Not the depressed dude. Not the beat up wife. Not me either.
If we were truly deserving of it, we’d have it. And if we had earned it, we’d receive it.
Everyone gets their just due, then. And those WITH more are those who’ve EARNED more.
And though it’s not universally true, it’s best to believe it’s true – if that’s what it takes to make ourselves better. Because if we want more too – like anyone else – we have to DO more. We have to BE that person. We have to BE better.
We all do.
Cause all we earn in life isn’t simply the product of what we’ve DONE to earn that success specifically, but of WHO we became to earn that success at all.
It’s why so much of this site is about being your BEST self. Cause as you are now – as your LESSER self – you AREN’T deserving of better. You’re not yet the person whose earned it. You don’t DESERVE more.
And that’s why we’re here, I guess. To learn what it is we need to be better at, and who it is we need to become for that success to come as well.
Humans are opinionated. Share your thoughts below yo! What feelings of deserving still mess you up?