The ups and downs; the round and rounds. That rhymes, guys. That rhymes and you know it rhymes.
But sometimes – the ups and downs – they just freaking suck…
But when you’re trying to improve or change anything in life – to improve and change your self – it’s important to remember: it’s a journey.
It’s a process.
Something with no true or real end. No ultimate finale. No place where one can say it’s really and totally complete – despite whatever desire of the opposite you may have.
It means that journeys are long, and hard; up, and down.
They’re saddening, spirit-breaking, heart-crushing.
They’re hilarious, uplifting, inspiring.
They’re slow at times, stuck at times, and so often also fast.
They’re the worst thing you ever did decide. And yet the most fun thing you ever could do.
Mostly, though, they’re just maddening. So fucking maddening.
Cause above all else you just wish things would go smoothly, that they’d go linearly, that they’d go smoothly and as you’d expect and do hope.
And when it doesn’t you get frustrated, you get down, you lose hope. We all do, at times.
Because in the midst of that journey – as you may be now – each up and down seems so violent, and every period of stagnation feels like the end of all progress, if not total regression.
A total waste of time.
As if yesterday you were good, you were cool, you were ON, and today you’re a loser, lame, a failure.
But journeys are not linear things.
They’re not a steady outward improvement towards one’s goals.
They’re fucking messy.
They’re periods of rapid growth, small growth, plateaus.
They’re periods of of feeling as if you’re lost and clueless, hopeless and helpless, and times you feel as if you’re almost completely invincible.
They’re a million forwards and backs, lefts and rights, ups and downs.
And when you live them – in them – it’s hard to see the big picture. Because you live in the small picture.
And in that picture the small changes, the small problems, seem huge; the small plateaus seem as endless plains, and your vision never reaches the horizon.
The small things just hurt more, and the actual improvements you make every day go unnoticed, because everything seems so near.
But at those times and those days you feel as if things haven’t improved as you planned they’d improve, remember that so long as you are trying, so long as you are taking action and putting yourself on the line, you are getting better. You’re improvement is inevitable, though the fruit of that effort – which is so often outside of your control – will wax and wane.
That’s the problem, though…that when you live in the small picture, and see only what happens then and there, you are blind to the most subtle ways you are and have become better.
You have to trust, ultimately, that you’re doing as you need to do, and that so long as that is true, you will reach your goals.
Because you are improving.
What helps me most…
…is this single thought:
That no matter how difficult it may be, or hopeless it may seem in the midst of any journey, any transformation, that I’d much rather be me than any other.
Because to those who don’t work on themselves – who live each day as they’ve lived every day, still worrying about this or that, still letting themselves get pissed by this or that, still completely unconscious of their problems or unwilling to fix them – time is their worst enemy. Each day their stagnation becomes more cemented, the hope of their life more faded, their lives more dead. And before they know it their entire life has passed.
But to those who consciously work on themselves, change themselves, improve themselves, time is their best friend. Because as each day goes by, they only get more wise, more centered, more in line with the person they want and were meant to be.
Cause the journey may be up and down, round and round, and hard, but it’s arc is unmistakable.
So long as you’re working, so long as you’re trying, so long as you’re doing, you are improving. You are becoming who you’re meant to be.
You just have to trust it, You just have to trust yourself.
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