A Loser at 20, is a Loser at 40…

Watched the most freaking awesome show this weekend at my brother’s place.  Normally I don’t watch any TV (on a TV, at least) cause most shows are damn lame.  THIS one, though?  Seriously…wtf?  The show’s called Virgin Diaries, and it’s about the lives of adult and middle-aged virgins.

It was cringe worthy.  Cause these people are walking proof of the cruelest fact of life…that a loser today will be a loser tomorrow, will ALWAYS be a loser…

Harsh, Adam?

Yeah.  Totally.

But NOT more than life itself.

I mean, just watch these guys.  The dude I saw was 36 and had not only never been “round the bases”, he doesn’t even get to set foot on the field.  He’d never even kissed a girl, and in the last 7 or 8 years had won just 1 or 2 dates.

I doubt there was a second on either occasion.

Of course, there’s nothing intrinsically WRONG with NOT having been with a girl.  I’ve never ridden an elephant, for instance.  They’re both just things you can maybe, possibly do if you wanted to with whatever free time you might have.

They’re whatever.

But…

There’s an important reason why his virgness (we’re just gonna assume that’s a real word) is the complete OPPOSITE of my lack of lifetime elephant adventures.

Because his inability to get one or ANY lady ISN’T just some thing that “just hasn’t happened” as some might say.

As if he plum forgot.  As if he could if he wanted to.  As if he’d have done it if he just didn’t NOT care about it in the first place.

No.  It’s something that straight up WON’T happen – because of who he is, and who he’s become.

And so, it isn’t just some life choice he’s made.

It’s a reflection of him – his personality, his value, his worth.

Because – in the strictest evolutionary sense – if NO girl will have him, then there’s no reason for the NEXT girl to have him – to risk her genes combining with his, to risk her looks, her value, 9 months of pain, and 18 years of responsibilities to raise a son that would only likely be JUST as lame as him.

Because – in the genetic sense – a man who can’t get a girl is no man at all.  It means his name will die with him.  It means he has no value.  It means his genes WILL and SHOULD be weeded out as inferior.

It means he is – to our species, and to the woman in front of him – worthless.

And THAT’S why this dude has no confidence.  Cause deep inside he KNOWS it – as any dude would.  And every day this “drought” continues his belief in his Self – and his ability to get out of it at all – becomes that much worse.

Cause the dude’s a loser.

Cause – politeness aside – they do exist.

I used to be one.  And it’s no fun…

And what’s amazing is this…

…that to this dude, it really did “just kinda happen”.  He was once a teenage loser, and when girls ignored him, he told himself: “Ah.  Well, whatever.  It’ll be better in college.”

And he was once a college loser, and when girls ignored him, he told himself: “Ah, I’m not THAT much later than most.  It’ll be better once I get a job.”

And he was once a mid-twenties loser, and when he had his job and girls still ignored him, he told himself: “Damn.  I guess I just haven’t found THE ONE.  It just hasn’t been meant to be…”

And before he knew it – before he realized the real fucking seriousness of how lame he had become – he was a 36 year old virgin, with 7 years between dates, being forced to embarrassingly (and quite honestly, painfully) admit on camera and in front of the world to his date that he was in fact a 36 year old virgin, now getting advice from such knowledgeable sources on meeting women as his Mom and his uncool friends.

It literally hurt to watch.  I couldn’t look even.  My brother couldn’t look.  My brother-in-law couldn’t look.  And any dude who watches it surely feels the same.

Cause it’s not about the girl or the “accomplishment”.  It isn’t about “getting laid”.  Screw that shit.

It’s the FEELING this dude must have, and the WORTH this dude must feel, because of something he has ALLOWED to happen in his life.  It’s that it’s come to this at all, when there was no reason it should have or needed to.  It’s that when you watch it, you see that NOTHING will change for this dude.  Nothing will change FOR him.  Because nothing will change ABOUT him.

He’ll keep doing all the same he’s done.  And he’ll keep receiving all the same he’s received.

Nothing…

Cause he never realized, and STILL hasn’t realized, something that most others  too never realize – when they complain about life, and complain about themselves, yet do nothing to fix it, nothing to CHANGE it…

That HOW you are now, is how you remain, when you do nothing to fix it.  And WHO you are now, is who you will be, when you do nothing to change it.

That a loser at 15 is a loser at 20.  And a loser at 20 is a loser at 40.  And a loser at 40 is a loser at 80.

And if you’re a loser today – right now – and do NOTHING, you will die one too.

It won’t change.

It won’t get better.

Life won’t improve AT ALL.  Till you yourself do.

And THAT’S what’s holding this dude back – that he isn’t his better self, that he isn’t his BEST self, that he thinks it will get better “somehow” instead of purposely.

But shit doesn’t just change magically.  You don’t just wake up awesome.  You’re not graced with confidence and value from on high or something – just cause you think you’ve “earned” it, or cause think you “deserve” it, or cause you think you’ve suffered enough.

Life doesn’t care.  And life doesn’t work that way.

Cause who you want to be, is who you must become, to get what you now want.  And who you are now, is what you must change, to end the life you now hate.

And in this dude’s case…genes don’t care about fairness.  And vaginas don’t hand out charity.

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