In the last post we talked about broken homes, and what broken homes mean for your Self. Now let’s talk about how families affect our selves. Let’s talk about how the people we live and mature with shape who we did and do become.
Because for most people of “broken homes” their family is their largest problem. Maybe they have messed up parents, or none at all; siblings who are jerks or relatives who are just downright mean and demeaning.
Or, maybe not really any of those things – just that their family, like all families, has its own problems and issues. They’re imperfect. And try hard though they may, and love them though they might, a lot of things they do or say just freaking hurt, and are hard to forgive or forget.
And so they wonder:
“Why can’t my family be supportive? Why don’t they understand me? Why don’t they love me – like I need, like I want, or at all it seems?”
And so they carry that pain, and anger, and doubt with them. Their confidence in themselves and trust in their awesomeness is messed up cause a younger sister seems like the favorite, or cause a relative called them fat, or cause a parent calls them worthless.
And those insults become a burden. They become a wound they carry forever; something they remember and take to heart because it came from someone they love. And so they feel misunderstood. They feel less. They feel unloved – even if only slightly.
Cause no matter what they might say otherwise, or how unaffected they might attempt to appear outwardly, it fucking hurts. There’s just something about family that’s different to us – a connection that’s “supposed” to be deeper, loving, forever; an expectation that those who share our blood will accept us for who we are; will support us, encourage us, love us.
But sometimes reality is quite different.
And sometimes we learn that those we call family are just people afterall. No different than any other really. No more wise, or righteous, or kind-hearted simply because they share some DNA.
And so family is awesome. Family is irreplaceable. Family is something that can’t be bought or bargained for.
But, more than anything, they’re just people. They make mistakes. They hurt others. They sometimes ignore what they should value in life, and sometimes can’t see what they should be thankful for.
So be careful of your expectations – that you don’t expect the world of them or perfection at all. Because though they may be to blame, they’re no more responsible for how you feel than any stranger you pass in the street.
It is not their job to make you into the person you should and need to become. It’s not their job to make you happy.
It’s yours. Cause it’s your life.