A lot of broken homes aren’t broken enough the way they are. Well, apparently, at least. Cause I’ve been reading recently about some REALLY messed up families – where (usually) Mom continually brings home the kinda dudes that have NO business being around her family. And so to an already fragile home, she brings home…well, trash. The problem is, though…she does it ALL THE TIME.
But why do some get involved with the same kinda people over and over, though the results are always the same? Why bring home the same losers again and again? Or, is it YOU who does that?
Stereotypes are cooool…
Let’s imagine a single mother (and to WHO her actions compare can be left to your imagination). Let’s imagine she was left by her no good dude when the kids were young. Maybe the loser’s in jail now. Maybe he just took his bottle and pissed off wherever, like the story I read.
Since then, this woman has tried as best she can. She’s worked a lot of jobs, and done what she can to make sure the kids are all right.
Or, maybe she hasn’t. Maybe she has her own addictions. Maybe she’s in and out of the house just as much as He once was, the only difference being that she DOES come home – well, most nights at least…
And one day, she doesn’t come home alone. She gathers the kids and tells em, “This is Joe Nobody, my new boyfriend.”
The kids don’t like him, of course, cause they never like ANYONE she brings home. They’re ALWAYS losers – always just as bad as her, always just as messed up.
But since she’s happy and smiling and excited, these kids say nothing. Because mostly they’d give anything to believe that this new dude is a good thing – for her, for them, for their family. But they don’t trust him, and they’ve never trusted her judgment.
Soon enough, of course, they see that THIS dude, is no different than ANY of the dudes she’s brought home. And soon HE’S the one stumbling in. HE’S the one yelling and screaming. And now Mom’s coming home bruised and crying again, drunk and angry again.
At least, that’s how it was in this story.
It’s an extreme example, obviously. I like extreme examples. Maybe, though, it isn’t THIS bad at all. You know…with the abuse, and alcohol, and TOTAL deadbeat of a dude.
But it could easily be ANY person who (for whatever reason) brings home the same trash again and again, over and over. The typical stereotype of the perpetually single and “unlucky”.
Maybe this girl is you, then. Or perhaps it’s your sister, mother, or friend.
And it could be any type of guy, as well. Cause this isn’t a post about why girls like assholes or bad boys, as they say, but why they’d over and over again choose the same type they say they hate – whether an abusive dude, or just a clingy dude, or emotionally distant dude, or whatever.
But why does this happen, though? Why do some continually find themselves repeating the same script pretty much; caught up with same kinda dude, that ends up the same kinda way?
“When will you learn?” people ask. ”How could you put yourself through this again? When will you see that these guys are no freaking good for you?”
The Truth About What She Likes
There’s a lot to be said about a person’s self-confidence that they would choose the kinda person that is everything they shouldn’t want. And there’s a lot to be said about the simple fact that guys and girls like people similar to them.
And, believe me, I have a lot to say on ALL these things too.
But I think there’s a part of this that’s so obvious, yet so overlooked.
SHE LIKES IT!
She LIKES dudes like that, despite all the complaining and tears and “never agains”.
And you like the type you like too.
“Nuh uh!!! I like blank, and blank, and blank…”
Our conscious minds and our unconscious minds aren’t the same. And their NEEDS aren’t the same either.
I’ll never forget what this girl told me once; that would be so amazing and remarkable to me, except that I’ve since heard pretty much the same thing from others about roughly almost pretty much a million times again. Totally….
I just asked her: “What type of guys do you normally date?” And these were her exact words:
“Well, my last 3 boyfriends were lazy and rude and didn’t really do anything.”
Then her next sentence was: “But I HATE guys like that…”
Umm…yeah, okay. Totally…[massive sarcasm]…
Think about that. She “hates” them. Yet who’s she dating? Pretty much EXCLUSIVELY those types. Thank God we weren’t dating or I’d have been way insulted that she’d chosen me, haha.
Because people – like the mom who brings home trash, or a friend, sister, or you – often SAY they want a certain thing.
And then – after yet ANOTHER failed attempt with a guy who hurts them or ends the same familiar way – they say: “Ah! I HATE guys like that. I just want a guy like this or that or yadda yadda yadda…”
And yet THERE they are. Yet again. Same guy pretty much. Same results.
Because the truth is, they don’t like the dudes they’re describing. They like the dudes they’re dating. Because in the vast spectrum of qualities a person might have, it’s these their unconscious mind identifies with.
It’s what they respond to EMOTIONALLY, though it may be the LAST thing they want LOGICALLY.
And they CHOOSE it.
Cause let’s be serious…these guys don’t lay spells on them. They don’t (I’m pretty sure) drug them. These women CHOOSE these guys, when they could absolutely choose any other.
Because it’s what they’re drawn to, though they hate it. It’s what they’re attracted to, though they shouldn’t want it.
It’s what they like.
And though they hate themselves for it later, for whatever reason, they NEED and WANT the emotions this guy, and all guys like him, give them, whether during the relationship or as a result of its end.
Something about it is something they need.
The danger. The unpredictability. The strange familiarity. The pain even.
And so though they’d never admit it, and though they may never know it – they love it. And WITHOUT those qualities they say they hate, they would have NEVER chosen this loser to begin with.
In fact, they wouldn’t have liked him at all.
And so think of that Mom…
…or YOUR mom, or your sister, or friend, or Yourself, or WHOEVER continually chooses the kind of people they say they hate – the kind that eventually and inevitably disappoint them or hurt them.
You have to understand that they make these mistakes cause they LIKE these mistakes. And despite whatever they may say about hating them, or say about changing it, there’s a part of the experience they get from these losers that fulfills a need in them that isn’t solved by just saying “you deserve better” or whatever junk like that.
Because they don’t want it. Because there’s a part of these relationships that already gives them EXACTLY what they DO want.
And THAT’S why they make the same mistake over and over. And so long as nothing changes in them, nothing will change with this.
Because the simple fact is…you’re attracted not to logical ideals, but to whatever attracts you.
And when you love trash, you bring home trash.
Have experience with or know someone who just brings home the same douches no matter what people tell them? Comment below and, if you have such powers, share with the other 7 billion humans. Sweeet.